They are likeable, friendly, and sociable. Many avoidantly attached people are easily to get along with. Not only can this help us identify our own relational style, but it can help us determine the relational style of those we partner - making us more empathetic and understanding partners. It’s important to understand the signs of avoidant attachment. It is perhaps unsurprising that people with avoidant attachment style grow into adults who struggle to navigate relationships. They also learned that their emotional experience wasn’t valued, validated, or even heard. They learned in those early years to strive for perfection, toughness, self-reliance, and independence. This rigid parenting style creates distrustful children who grow into adults who may find intimacy challenging. Furthermore, they were expected to be perfect to earn affection. They weren’t consistently comforted in times of stress, and they were often shamed for their emotions. This name suggests much of what causes this insecure attachment style.įor the avoidantly attached, the parent or other caregiver likely encouraged independence, dismissed feelings and emotional forms of expression, and had strict household rules. What Is an Avoidant Attachment Style?Īvoidant attachment style is sometimes referred to as dismissive attachment. Now, let’s dive into avoidant attachment, how to recognize it, and what we can do to repair it. I’ve shared information on secure attachment style and how to develop it. I’ve written recently about what anxious attachment is, how to recognize the signs, and how to fix it. If we don’t have a secure attachment style, we fall in one of these other categories: Luckily for us, secure attachment style can be learned.īut first, we need to recognize the other attachment styles to figure out how our early years might still be impacting our relationships. This secure attachment from infancy and early childhood predicts happy, healthy relationships down the road.įor those of us who did not have the idyllic and consistent childhood of the securely attached, it may seem like we’re screwed. The first five years of our lives are so powerful that we carry forward the trust we established with the ones who raised us - or the lack thereof.įor those who grew up loved, cared for, and with caregivers who readily and consistently responded to their needs, attachment theory offers comfort. Pioneered by Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby, the theory suggests that the way we relate to our early caregivers influences our lifelong relationship style. If you’ve ever dated an emotionally unavailable partner, you might have been dealing with an avoidant attachment style without even knowing it.ĭisclaimer: this post may contain affiliate links, which means I may receive a commission if you make a purchase using these links, at no additional cost for you.
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